Have asked yourself lately; why don’t I have friends?
If you’ve just recently realized that “I have no friends”, or if it’s something you’ve felt your whole life, this guide is for you.
Not having friends can make anyone feel “cursed” – like people have made up their mind about you before you even meet. It can drain your self-esteem and confidence, which makes it even harder to feel motivated to socialize.
I hope that after reading this guide, you’ll have a clearer understanding of why you don’t have friends, and a game plan for how to, over time, develop your friend-making skills even if it has felt like a hopeless endeavor up to this point.
Who are Friends?
A friend is someone who knows you, likes you, trusts you, and wants to see you succeed. A friend is someone who will always support you, even if you fail, and who will tell you the truth. Friends are loyal and trustworthy, and they understand you and your struggles. They may not agree with everything you say or do, but they still love you.
Why Do We Need Friends?
We need friends because we enjoy spending our free time with them. And also we need them because we want to feel accepted and loved. We need friends because they bring us joy and happiness. Friends are the best part of life!
Why Don’t I Have Friends?
You’re trying too hard. It shows.
You come off as overly clingy and needy. Do you constantly pursue people to meet you, no matter whether they seem interested in meeting you or not? If you meet a friend or group of friends, do they constantly try to get everyone else to stay back, even though it’s obvious that they’re bored stiff?
Spending time with a friend may be important to you, but if you try too hard to impress them, you might come across as a needy and annoying person.
Relax and be more laid back. You don’t have to tell them you have nothing better to be doing when they’re not around. Pretend like you’re busy too. Say goodbye before the atmosphere gets stiffened up with awkwardness.
you are too negative for them
You’re full of negative energy of the bad kind and you make people feel uneasy around you. Have you ever seen people in movies or people on the streets who make you feel uncomfortable, but you just don’t know what it is?
You may not pay much attention to your thoughts at first. But if you’re too full of negative emotions, bitterness, or anger, it shows! It makes people want distance from you even when they’re sitting next to you.
Try to focus on positivity and make a pact with yourself to be a happier person. It may take some time, but baby steps will eventually lead to success.
You have a hard time picking up social cues
Are they getting bored? Do you even realize that they’ve been looking at their watch three times now? Have you noticed that your friend has been looking at his/her Facebook page on his/her phone while you’re having an interesting conversation?
Just because you think something is fun doesn’t mean everyone else does. Pay attention to the way people behave around you when you speak to them. When you notice others becoming distracted, change the conversation.
You’re a selfish individual
If you’re more concerned about your own needs than everyone else’s, that’s probably the main reason why you don’t get any friends.
When you meet your friend, all you’re concerned with is about you having a good time. You don’t think of going out with friends as a chance to get together and have some fun.
Instead, you selfishly extract happiness from the conversations you have with others, and you’re interested in hearing what you think you want to hear or talking about.
You always want more from others than you give them. Remember, if you don’t want to give back, then you won’t get anything in the first instance.
you’re too busy reading between the lines.
And, you read that book way too much! You constantly think that the whole world revolves around just you. So, your friend posted a quote on Facebook? Wait, does that mean anything to you? There was a hidden message for you. Is he or she talking to you? Stop!
Don’t assume that every action or statement by a friend has some hidden meaning or agenda related to you.
When you start reading too closely between the lines, you’ll end up making a lot more assumptions than you need to. If you make just one mistake, everything after that is going to be completely wrong. If you confront a friend over a mistake, it will get even worse if you end up looking like an idiot.
You whine all the time!
People hate whiners even more than they hate the Plague, even though they don’t realize it. Do you complain about everything all the time? Stop complaining! You’re not helping anyone by doing so.
Everyone has enough shit going on in their own life, and they don’t need to hear your complaints and unhappiness. Smile, look for the positive things in life, and laugh. You’ll be loved soon!
You create psychological obstacles
Do you ever hold yourself back from expressing an idea because you think you might sound silly? Most importantly, do you feel awkward around your friends?
If you do, then your body language may be read by your friends’ subconscious minds and make them feel uncomfortable around you.
You’re a boring conversation partner.
You talk about things that don’t interest the people around you. You just don’t know when you’ve gone too far. Just because something interests someone doesn’t mean everyone else should be interested in it!
If a friend doesn’t listen to what you have to tell them, but instead makes an effort to add their view, then in all probability, they want to hear what you have to say.
You suck up all the energy from those around you
You’re a toxic person. When you say goodbye, you always leave people in a worse mood than they were before. When you’re around, your friends are happy; but when you leave, they’re sad.
It could be the way you say something or the choice of words that you use to say something that just makes people want you to curl their toes around them. Harsh? Yes, but if it’s something you recognize in yourself, you can change it.
Your friends are probably planning get-togethers without inviting you over. Unfortunately, there’s a very high probability that you are a toxic friend.
You’re not in the right crowd.
Sometimes, annoying people dislike you even when you’re doing everything right. And that may be because they have a preconception about who you are.
This could be through gossip or based on your not-so-secret past. You can’t change who you are, and the effort you would need to make them believe you were a nice person isn’t worth it.
You’re right. You’re always right.
That’s what you assume! You argue over the most ridiculous of things. You think that an interesting argument is the best way to keep a conversation going.
Can you define an unhealthy argument? Do you have an urge to argue with people aggressively over the smallest things, perhaps to prove they’re wrong or to make yourself look good?
Do people give up their arguments easily around you? Here’s something you need to be aware of. If people give up an argument within a minute or two when they talk to you, it’s probably not because you made a strong point. It’s a case where others say “whatever… gosh, this person’s annoying!”
You forget your friends if you don’t need them.
Do you pay close attention to your friends? Or, do you ignore your friends’ calls and texts when you are having fun with someone else? Do you avoid your old friends when you start dating somebody new?
You need to consider this carefully. You may not realize that you’re taking your friends for granted, but you might assume that they’ll always stick around when you don’t have time for them.
On the one hand, your friends may feel hurt by the way you treat them and may choose to avoid interacting with you.
You’re insecure and jealous
You have trust issues, and feel threatened whenever your friend meets someone new You subconsciously make an effort to make your friend feel worse for not talking to you or spending time with you. When you’re envious, it always shows.
You might be able to get away with making your friends feel guilty if they’re not close enough to you to notice, but if they’re close enough to know, they’ll tell you.
You’ve jumped or dropped a social status
People are most comfortable with people who share their social status. It’s a secret that’s only whispered among friends.
Did your startup make millions of dollars and now you’re wealthy all of a sudden? Your poorer old friends might start thinking you’re a rich showoff all of a sudden. That’s because they’re jealous of your newfound success.
If you were a wealthier person a year ago than now, there’s a high probability that your former friends might think poorly of you and gossip about you behind your back You’ll be the outcast because you’re not good enough for them anymore!
It’s not your fault, so don’t worry about it. Just find a few new friends who will accept you for who you are.
You’re an extrovert
Do you feel happiest by yourself? Perhaps, you’re someone who’s trying to get out of your shell.
You probably want to meet new people, but you just don’t know how to go about doing so without making someone else feel uncomfortable. Make sure you take your time, learn from previous experiences, and avoid repeating your mistakes.
You’re not real!
You’re so fake that you make Barbie look real. And everyone around you can see it. You may think you are very smart and can hide the fact that you are a liar who says nice words just to get things done
On the other hand, if your friends see you doing things they don’t approve of, you’ll lose their friendship just like you would squeeze sand in your hands.
You’re being too picky.
You expect a lot from your friends, and you’re not shy about voicing your displeasure when they don’t meet your expectations.
You think that friends are out there waiting to help you whenever you need them to. You’re probably used to having your friends make time for your silly whims all the time, but they won’t always be able to.
You’re not trying hard enough
Are you trying hard to meet people, or do you just sit at home waiting for the gods to bring you some luck? Making friends takes a lot of effort, like work or making money does. The best part about having friends is that it has a positive effect on your life.
When you make one new friend, that person will introduce you to two more friends. Those two will lead to four more, and then four more, and so forth! But if you want to be interesting and enjoyable to others, you must be pleasant, happy, funny, and most importantly, giving to them.
WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE FRIENDS AGAIN?
- Start small. Find a local group of people who enjoy hanging out together, and see if you can meet up with them regularly.
- Be open to trying something new. Join a club, volunteer at a community center, or attend events at places like museums and theaters, you can make true friends here.
- Ask for help. Reach out to others who seem friendly and approachable, and ask if they’d be willing to introduce you to anyone else.
- Make yourself available. Let people know that you’re always around if they need anything. It helps build an intimate relationship. And also keep in mind that you never know where your next best friend could be hiding!
- Talk to everyone. People often think that talking to strangers will lead to awkward situations, but actually, most people are willing to talk to someone they don’t know. You might be surprised at what kind of conversations you can have. For example, one woman told me she was able to connect with her neighbor when he had an issue with his car. They talked about cars, and then about their families, and eventually, they became good friends.
- Meet people through work. If you work in a place where other people go on lunch breaks, join a group of coworkers who hang out together. Or, try joining a sports team or volunteering at a nonprofit organization. you can make lots of friends this way.
- Go to parties. Parties are great opportunities to meet new people, so take advantage of them. When I first moved to New York City, I didn’t realize that going to parties would be a key part of my networking strategy, but now I’m constantly attending events because I want to meet interesting people.
Other ways to make friends
- Look for common interests. Do you love to read? Then start meeting people who share your interest. Are you interested in cooking? Then look for people who are also interested in food. Maybe you both like hiking; maybe you both like music. Whatever it is, you should be able to find people who share your interests.
- Volunteer. Volunteering is a great way to make connections with people who share similar values. It’s also a great way to learn new skills. Plus, you’ll likely end up making real friends along the way.
- Donate blood. Giving blood is another great way to meet new people. The nurses at the donation centers usually have a lot of fun chatting with donors, and you’ll probably get to know them better than you would otherwise.
- Have dinner parties. Invite a few of your closest friends over for dinner once a month, and invite a couple of new friends along with them. This is a great opportunity to practice being social.
- Take classes. Learning new skills is a great way to build confidence and make new friends. Check out classes offered at your local library, community college, or even online.
- Attend events. Events are a great way to meet new friends. Many cities host regular events that bring together different groups of people. For example, there are weekly farmers’ markets in San Francisco and monthly book clubs in New York City.
- Use social media. Social media sites like Facebook and Twitter allow you to easily stay connected with old friends and make new ones. Just remember to be careful whom you follow on these sites. Some people use them to spread negativity, which may turn you off from connecting with others.
In conclusion, I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “You can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family.” While it’s true that you can’t always control whom you end up associating with, you can influence the type of people you spend time with. And if you want to build friendships, you have to put yourself out there. Start small—go to lunch with someone new once a week, attend a class, volunteer at a shelter, join a sports team, or even go to a party where you don’t know anyone. Just remember: when you approach a situation like this, you never know what might happen. But whatever happens, you’ll be glad you took the risk!